All in a days work

So today was not SO bad. It was hard, but not so bad. I cried last night thinking of all the hours I am going to miss with Charlotte, and even though I know in my heart I am doing the right thing I can't help but thinking that no one can care for a child like their mother. Charlotte did amazingly well at Grandma Fulcher's house today, there is no one I would rather leave her with. I had to get going so early this morning that I actually woke Charlotte up. I think this is the first time in her very short life that I have been her alarm clock and not the other way around. She was eyes wide open from the minute she was up and dressed and I could tell by her face that she was totally confused. She had such big eyes the whole way to Grandma's and kept making these little mewing noises from the back seat. I also cried when it was time to leave her, she had the biggest smile on her face and all she wanted was to stay and play. Thank goodness she can't talk yet!! I would have never made it out the door. Grandma Fulcher says that Charlotte was a little fussy now and then, and didn't nap all that well, but she did eat great. All of my students were so excited to see me again, it was like I was the celebrity for a day. Older students of mine came back to see pictures of Charlotte, and my current students were running down the hall calling out my name. The nice thing about leaving work when you are big and pregnant is that when you come back everyone tells you how great you look! I feel incredibly overwhelmed being back at work though. I am the kind of person that likes to do everything whole-heartedly, and I like to be the best at what I do. I feel like I am being divided into two, one part teacher and one part Mommy. How can I possibly do both jobs justice when I can't give either one my all? I think this is the question that EVERY working mother asks herself, and the guilt is unbelievable. I truly do know that being a teacher is good for ME. It makes me feel satisfied and useful. I also know one of the most important things I can do for Charlotte is be a good role model and show her the dedication and compassion I have for my job. She will be a stronger woman for it. But the hours without Charlotte are heart wrenching. I know that as we establish our routine things will get better (though I'm not sure if our 4:30 wake up time will ever feel better!) and above all, Bryce and I are incredibly lucky to be a family of two teachers who will always have holidays and summers off with our children.