Ode to 2012

Good-bye 2012.  You were one of the most challenging, yet most rewarding years of my life.  Isn't that the way the old sayings go?  That you have to go through the challenges to find out how strong you really are?  We entered 2012 anxious to meet our precious baby girl and anticipating what life would be like as a family of four.  Emily came and I will never forget Charlotte's sweet, sweet smile the first time she saw her.  It brings tears to my eyes just thinking of it now.  We brought Emily home and adjusted to a newborn schedule all over again....except this time we had a toddler that demanded attention while the baby slept.  That old advice "sleep when the baby sleeps" doesn't exist when there is a toddler in the house.  After weeks of struggling through feedings I finally broke down and called a lactation consultant who was in my house less than five minutes before telling me that Emily was tongue tied.  We saw a pediatric ENT who confirmed the diagnosis and clipped her frenulum....the very next feeding was immediate relief and things just got better from there.  As soon as we had a handle on a schedule and feedings down pat Charlotte got sick.  Sicker than I've ever seen her.  So sick that we were sleeping less than two hours a night.  So sick that it turned out to be Salmonella Poisoning.  That was the worst week of my life.  Stress doesn't even describe it.  Broken is the only word I can think of.  Time passed as time tends to do and we had two healthy, striving girls again.  I returned back to work for the last month of the school year and learned once again how much guilt and pressure face each working Mom.  The summer months were a much needed reprieve.  We managed to break Emily of her nap nanny/swaddle/night feedings during one tough weekend where I cried more than she did.  I learned one thing about Emily in those three awful nights-she knows what she wants and she won't forget it!  Bryce returned back to work and I got a taste of what single Moms go through.  Wrapping my head around just getting two kids out of the car at the grocery store was tough enough-do you get the baby out first and leave the stroller by the back door of the car to get the big kid out?  Do you get the big kid out first and threaten her with everything you have not to take her hand off the door while you get the baby out?  It's a rough life with only two hands to take care of two kids! I returned to school and Charlotte started   pre, pre-k.  She missed the pre-k cut off by 14 days, which upset me at first but now I can say it was probably for the best.  She had a really hard transition going from 6 kids at Mrs. D's house to 14+ kids at daycare.  Those were some more sleepless nights.  Emily began her stay with Mrs. D during the day and took it in stride.  We somehow managed to get into a rythym, though even just typing it here I cannot believe I've kept up with it so long.  I'm up at 4:40, baby fed, kids dressed and all of us out the door by 6:15.  Daddy drops off and I rush to work, class starts at 7:08.  Teach a full day, drive 24 miles to pick up Emily.  7 more miles to get Charlotte, then head home.  Dogs out, nurse the baby, make dinner.  Clean dishes, pack bottles, pack lunch. Bath.  Go to bed and start again the next day.  I think Thanksgiving was a turning point of some kind.  I finally accepted that I just plain have to go to bed earlier.  And I figured out how to pack/make as much as possible on Sunday.  It's been challenging.  But oh so rewarding.  These girls make every single minute worth it.  Charlotte has turned into a little girl in the last year.  She's learned to ask questions about things that matter.  She's learned to have her own opinion-and that having your own opinion is OK.  She learning to be truthful (which means she also learned how to lie).  She's learned to tell jokes.....and laugh out loud.....and say just the right thing to make my heart squeeze tight.  Every single time she says "Momma, I really love you" I think "Oh, I am SO glad you do!".  In the last year, Emily has learned to roll over, and sit up, and crawl.  She's learned to eat solid foods and drink from a sippy cup.  She's learned to smile, and laugh, and give kisses.  She's learned that there is really nothing better than a good snuggle.  Every single time she gives me that big toothy grin I feel that heart squeeze tight in my chest again.

So, good-bye 2012.  And I thank God for all to come in 2013.